I just installed Ubuntu 7.1 a couple of days ago. I am not thrilled. It's crashed on me 3 times in the last 24hrs. Im having printer issues and ipod issues.

I installed Thunderbird for email, i know its not linux but im pissed at it to. I dont know what happened but now hotmail.com is only showing emails from 2005 and nothing more recent.

Bah, should i just give up and go back to my illegal Windows? Should i be patient and hope new updates will come soon and fix the crashing?


_okay, done ranting for the moment

I quit my pizza job that ive had for the last year and a half.

I was only working one day a week since i went full time with massage.

ill miss the free pizza and certain co-workers, but the rest can go fuck themselves with a carrot.

I did the whole elimination diet for 23 straight days. I saw positive results on my sinus/seasonal allergy issues, plus my hair is much less oily. However, this diet has not helped the reason i went to Bastyr's Clinic in the first place. Where does that put me? Frustrated!!!!!!!!
I could continue to see if certain foods made my sinuses worse, but it's so subjective w/ having allergy issues before testing each individual food. I could be patient, and do it all, waiting days in between foods and symptoms.

But why?

It's just frustrating me.
I was a little sad when i decided to give up. wishing that i knew what was going on w/ my body despite all these days of restriction.
I went to work at Pudge Bros Pizza today, i ate my first slice in a month. it wasnt that satisfying, then i ate some cookie dough, it wasnt that tasty either. its weird to give up things for so long to find yourself not really enjoying them again.
But then, after work, i went to the Blue Moon (where Tom Robbins wrote some of his novels) down the street and had a couple of "Jameson, neat." and enjoyed the warm blob that became myself.
mmmmh, ;)

I think ill eat some more dairy and wheat before cutting them out of my usual diet, b/c i think they are the main culprits to my sinus dilemma.
I think ive given up on Bastyr too, not sure. they wanna do another blood test and probably give me MORE fucking supplements. Blah, why is my inability to digest raw foods so unusual that they cant tell me whats going on.

Sigh,

Sugar train, here i come!
woot woot

So it's been ten days free of everything on that long ass list (except i just had some soup that i forgot was cooked w/ tempeh, oh well).

Oh the roller coaster of feelings that comes with your body adjusting and relearning what to eat. The fact that im not a caffeine addict and already eat/cook wholesomely has made this process do-able. Ive learned a lot about substituting ingredients(uh can anyone say rice), and how expensive vegan treats/munchies are. Like Coconut Bliss's dark chocolate ice cream is a miracle on my moon cycle despite it being $6 a pint. Ive been feeling like a hypocrite wandering the food isles w/ Nana's Vegan cookies in my cart and a pound of ground buffalo to grill this weekend. Yea, seems im more squeamish about choosing what kind of flesh to eat than i originally imagined.
But it's all in the name of good health. And i think the diet is helping.

I pray im not allergic to dairy, i fucking miss cheese and yogurt.

OMG, I can't believe i used to live off this shit. 

Last night i my "dinner" consisted of: brie n' crackers, bowl of frosted flakes, bowl of honey smacks, toaster strudel, plus some chocolate nibbling.
I woke up the this morning with no energy and the mental capacity of a stoned monkey (neither have overly improved though the day).  Walking less than a mile to and from work i started to feel really weird, like prickles of heat below my skin and sudden hot flash at the end.  i remember feeling like this when i worked at Sonic and lived off the typical american food.   I feel like the dude on Super Size Me and looking forward to a wholesome diet soon. 

God, i hate the word DIET.

Yesterday, under the suggestion of a few friends, i went to Bastyr's student clinic to find out about my digestion issues.

Seems that food allergies/intolerances is the popular diagnosis for a wide variety of aliments these days.  My case is no exception.

But what am i intolerant to?
Best way to know is to follow the Elimination Diet.
That doesn't sound too difficult.       <Riiiiiiight....... ah, good ol' useful denial.>
It's challenging, the quality of your results depends on your ability to adhere to the diet.

After discussing this with some friends, it seems most havent gone through with this strict diet because it takes a couple of months and their negative symptoms were not debilitating enough to bother.  Mine ARE.  for once ill spare you the TMI portion of this entry, but lets just say its bad enough that i am going to do it.  and do it well so i dont have to fucking bother again. 

What i can NOT eat for 2-4 weeks:
-dairy
-wheat
-corn
-citrus
-coffee & black tea
-refined sugars (raw honey is OK)
-eggs
-Soy
-Food additives
-alcohol
-recreational drugs (messes w/ insulin levels)
I dont want to eat meat, and i currently live off bread and cheese, so this is going to be challenging.

H0w does the Bethalope Cope?
By binging on large amounts of processed sugar and stuff i love for a few days while i research this crazyness.  I figure after the hardcore binge ill be more willing to a eat healthy diet post excessive sugar crashing. 
What i bought today in glee:
toaster strudel, caramel icecream, cheezits, pillsbury cinnamon rolls, junior mints, mint chocolate covered oreos, spaghetti & sauce, nutty bars, wine
What am i doing right now?
being a retard by drinking wine to assist with posting this instead of fasting 10 hrs for blood work tomorrow. whoops. 

...for the Bethalope to migrate to motherland of austin and elgin,tx (the sausage capitol of the world)

I had a lot of fun packing last night. it reminded me of things that used to be in my daily thoughts, and who/where ive been in the last 6 years. [Fuck, 6 years at this post-high school life]

What a trip it has been, What a trip it is going to be at Burning Flipside for memorial day weekend, and spend a couple of days w/ my fam.  Plus, im really looking forward to a week of not working my physically demanding job.  Rest is nice, and so are new adventures.  

today it's been warm enough, long enough for me to trudge around the house bare footed. [my low blood pressure means my feet are always freezing, im the kinda girl who wears socks while "naked"]. but there is something so grounding, so human about sensing everything you walk on. and thank you ibm for showing me this justifying article.

and i thank my father for giving me this love, it's one of the few positive quirks i received from him. he grew up in a small back water town on the texas coast where children were not required to wear shoes in school until the 2nd grade. so while my mom and her piscean feet were constantly in shoes, me and my dad were outside getting ours grimey with glee.

so ive been in a good mood today despite whatever else is going on.

I am dependent on outside events to dictate my mood. 

Even though i hear it doesn' have to be this way. 
*shakes fist*

The world is cooling according to NASA

And im so amused that the founder of The Weather Channel wants to sue Al Gore for fraud.

Ethanol scares me. and so does carbon offset/global warming taxes.

I wish i had money to invest in the Air Car.

the last two weeks have been great for a number of reasons, but at the same time very stress inspiring. 

Ive been blessed with the opportunity to do what ever i wanted with my college life with full support from anyone who mattered.  and now im here living this current adulthood experience, which is new; but im willing to do my best with it. 
So, i am at 24 years old with sole ability to choose how i want to spend my next few years without the defined parameters of having school as my main priority.  now, its all about money baby, and my sanity. 

I am currently working 3 part-time jobs which none alone can support my needs, but i dont want all 3.  So here i am trying to figure out how much my time, body, sanity, are really worth.  At the same time, im trying to decided what/if any habitual patterns i may want to augment to help me in the future.   Ive been overly observant of how people get stuck in a rut or some kind of routine that inhibits growth.   I  spent 3 weeks over the holidays with my family seeing how my brother was living (happily, mind you) in an arrangement very similar to our parents.  which isnt bad considering theyve been married for nearly 30 years.  but its really obvious, the similarities.
This is an example of how much stuff ive been studying, and trying to decide what i want to assimilate and what to keep on file.

I believe in the universe giving me shit for a good reason, but doesnt mean i like the test.
Im really tired of juggling too much at once up in the air. Im really good at it.  but its draining after awhile.

Love you all.

"How am I not myself?" [repeated]

Uh, havent felt really reflective this time of year.  Guess i had enough reflection throughout my year at massage school.

basically, 2006 sucked ass, 2007 rocked, and i hope the trend continues upward.

bring it on 2008!

so ive been double shifting every day (AM - busing tables, PM - making pizzas) for the last week and will continue to do so for 3 more days.
why all of this work? because ill be in texas for 3 weeks and wont be able to make any money. i like money. (and im going to be as stir crazy as a caged squirrel on crack at my parents house.)

it was really amusing to be behind the bar today at 11am when Santarchy arrived. thank goodness Blue Star Cafe was the first on their list. all the sixty or so santas crammed into the pub were jolly and not inebriated yet. The red and whites had made their way down 45th street to Kate's Pub next to Pudge Bros after an hour into my pizza shift. There were some very drunk santas who used our bathroom and ate our slices. Considering how easily i get hung over these days, it was nice way to experience Santarchy without the thrill of dressing up like Misses Clause, or a slutty elf.

2 hrs of nothingness until i have to crash and be up early. yay me

Today, I passed the Washington state massage licensing exam.  Brenneke prepared us very well for the test, and classmates who have already taken it have all passed.  So, I wasnt too worried about it; what was nerve wrecking was getting to the testing center in Mountlake Terrace, WA via bus on time.  Because, they had already cashed my $225 check and if i was late/had to reschedule the test, i would have to reapply and pay another two-hundred twenty five dollars. But, it all went well. 

and this Thomson-Prometric testing center meant business.  I think both my index finger prints were electronically scanned around 10 times, and a couple badly contrasted web cam photos taken before i left the center.  you know, just to make sure i am the same person after i come from a bathroom break. 
Then after finishing the test, I received a piece of paper that said passed.  no percentage, no range of how awesome i did, just the anti-climatic stamp verfyiing what i had hoped.

whatever. I Am Done.  Now it is just waiting a couple of months for the paper work to be processed to receive the official piece of paper in the mail legitimizing clients paying me for something ive dedicated a year of my life to. 
Except for graduation ceremony on friday, I am Done. 

Now, working 2 food jobs trying to save some money.

I finished my community service hours that i need to graduate today, on the set of Extreme Makeover - House Edition. 

It was cool being able to walk past flock of gawkers towards the overly-stocked catering tent next to where Cortiva,  Massage Emergency Response Team (MERT), and another massage school  had massage chairs set up.   People really nice, and a lot of  young and pretty construction guys to look upon (damn professionalism and not being able to date clients!)  What I found most entertaining was  if you had the correct over sized blue shirt and a white hardhat, you  were  able to go just about anywhere, including the house being constructed .  Looked awesome considering there was a hole in the ground in the same place just days ago.  And  looking at the color scheme, i hope the owners are Seahawks fans. 

Ugh, my tummy is sad because it had way too much refined sugar from the massive amounts of cookies, ice cream, candy, etc sitting out, just waiting to me consumed.  But toast and tea are helping. 

On site 10:45am-5:00pm
Pizza tossing 6-11:15pm
me vegging now

my LAST written massage test tomorrow. Im thinking of staying up late, getting up late, studying.  then proceed to passing and stay or go depending on the class energy level.  The joy of my lack of absences equating i dont have to stay for attendance. 
This is my 3rd senior in school experience.  I have to say that they have all been well played in my personal opinion :-D
n high school i only needed 2 classes to graduate, but since the new campus was too far to walk to work, i took 10 bull shite classes and had a wonderful time car-hoping and dating my manager. 
at Evergreen i needed 2 credits to graduate and i took 12 credits, i did the least amount of work ever in a college level class and received full credit due to my attendance and participation.
Brenneke's last quarter is special but at least  I on top of my shit instead of procrastinating (::cough::except the volunteer hours ::cough::).  At least enough that i know what is going on and still leave when i please

yah, finished w/ tea
sleep

Bullet Points:

-hit my knee last night on the mop bucket at work.  it  makes climbing down stairs very annoying

-printer sounds like its dying and external hard drive refuses to exist

-had my first nap in ages

-got another part-time job.  busser at Blue Star Cafe, start saturday at 8:30am (getting jobs are really about who you know)

-graduation gifts to myself arrived in the mail

-watched Swingers for the first time, with an intermission for food

I rather be in texas right now with my best friend who i havent seen/spoken/laughed/etc. enough with in the last few years.

I rather be in Black Rock City watching the man burn tonight.  Im currently watching a live feed of it online, it is totally not the same.  but im glad to have reassurance that it does exist outside my memories.

Instead, im in Seattle with 5 weeks left before i graduate.   Ive been working on my business project which requires me to crunch numbers, figure out my finances and plan [future] goals.  Its been a mixture daunting angst, denial, honesty and relief, followed up by the need for some good whiskey.  And thats just the business portion.  most of my fellow classmates have senior-itis, im just trying to get my ass in gear as i attempt to be a responsible adult with bills. hell, ive spent the last 17 years in formal education with my parents supporting me to some degree. 

I never wanted to grow up, but ill do the best i can with what i got.